What Is Perfectionism and How to Treat Perfectionism
Practically Perfect In Every Way: Understanding Perfectionism and How To Treat Perfectionism
WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM?
I think Mary Poppins may be the only one that can pull off this notion of being practically perfect. But, there are a lot of other people that aspire for perfection and hold themselves to high standards.
Does this sound familiar? Have you ever gone to google and typed in “am I perfectionist?”
Perfectionism is a trait that occurs when a person strives or has the need to be perfect or appear perfect. This must be kept up in front of others as there is a fear of failure or letting others down. There is a strongly held belief that perfectionism is possible and attainable. When in reality, it isn’t. Logically the person may know that but continues to keep reaching. Someone believed to be a perfectionist is always striving for the next best thing. Or, that next level.
Calm Waters Counseling specializes in counseling for women providing anxiety treatment. Working through anxiety, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and burnout. If you are ready to learn how to get started, or schedule your free 15-minute consultation, click below.
Common Signs of Perfectionism
Not all the signs and symptoms of perfectionism are listed below. But, it is important to remember that many of these tend to be more on an extreme level. Or impact your quality of life.
Procrastination - A person may not start a task because they are not sure if they will complete it or do a good job. Also, a person may become consumed with overanalyzing or overthinking instead of making moves to go forward. We call this analysis paralysis.
Feeling like you’re failing at everything or fear of failure
The need to be in control - This can occur in different environments like personal life and professional life. Often, having the thought that no one can complete a task the same way you can or like you can so you take on the task yourself (difficulty delegating).
Difficulty relaxing and enjoying downtime
Very critical of self and others
Fear of disappointing others
Fear of judgment from others
Need to follow rules to an extreme and can have difficulty when things do not go as they should. Making lists are also important.
Low self-esteem
High standards and expectations for self and others. Most often these are unattainable.
What Causes Perfectionism?
There are many different reasons why someone might develop perfectionism. Often, it's linked to unhealthy and unhelpful messages. These messages may have developed from different places. This may include family, cultural pressures and expectations, social media, or self.
“For perfectionists, the messages that come through equate to you are only valuable because of what you can achieve. A standard of worthiness. ”
During childhood, parents and family will give praise, encouragement, love, and support to a child. These are very healthy things to do and needed. But, the child may connect love and praise with doing a "good job” and enjoying pleasing others. A child naturally has the drive to please a parent. When the child recognizes this makes others happy, the child feels good due to a sense of accomplishment. These messages can continue through development. If this occurs on an extreme level, it can lead to developing perfectionist traits.
Cultural pressures and expectations are also important to note here as well. Some cultures place a very high value on children and members of their community to succeed at high levels. There is pressure to develop skills above and beyond. This may involve taking part in many things and activities. And, expectations of having a prestigious job are normalized. By not wanting to disappoint family and community, a person may push to achieve and go higher and higher.
Also, social media is a huge platform to continue with unhealthy messages. Rarely do we see realistic posts on social media. 9 times out of 10 social media is promoting the ideal look, status, and getting comments or “likes”. These can boost self-esteem. But, the importance of wanting your life to look a certain way becomes more important than focusing on enjoying the moment. Or, what you currently have.
How Perfectionism Can Impact Your Life
Perfectionism can have a major impact on your life and keep you mentally restrained. People with perfectionistic traits can experience difficulty in relationships. Often placing high expectations on loved ones. Most often this can lead to disappointment and frustration. This is due to unfulfilled expectations. Thus, leading to a strain on the relationship.
Next, you can find yourself with increased stress and anxiety. There are many reasons for this. One of the biggest is because it becomes very easy to overextend yourself. Earlier, I mentioned difficulty delegating tasks at work and home because nobody can “do it right.” People pleasing and the need to avoid disappointing others also contribute to more stress and anxiety. Most often there is also an increase in worries and rigid thinking. In some extreme cases, the stress and anxiety related to perfectionism can cause panic attacks.
Additionally, perfectionists can fall into the “workaholic” trap. The need to be the best, do the best, and never feel settled with achieving the goal can keep a perfectionist giving time and energy to work. As a result, they may ignore the other important aspects of their life.
Check out some of these other blog post topics that relate to perfectionism.
Is Being A Perfectionist A Bad Thing?
A common question I hear often is “is being a perfectionist a bad thing?” Typically, my answer is not “yes” or “no”. I talk with my clients about recognizing the unhealthy and unhelpful parts of perfectionism. And, I also acknowledge the helpful parts and why this might be important to the client.
Most often, I hear my clients say perfectionistic tendencies can sometimes help with motivation. In fact, they can even help to lead to healthy self-improvements. Both of these are great qualities and helpful.
The most important thing to keep in mind is recognizing when the thoughts and behaviors are becoming unhealthy. Being able to keep things in check and have some perspective is key.
WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU START Treatment FOR PERFECTIONISM
You may have recognized some of the signs of perfectionism from above. So, you are ready to take the next step to start getting therapy for perfectionism. It can be a very difficult thing. Sometimes, the thing that you think makes you feel good can also contribute to being in an unhealthy place in the long run.
When you begin treatment for perfectionism, you can bet that you will be looking at your history of perfectionism. This includes ways it may have shown up in your younger years. We will also address anxieties and worries with anxiety treatment. Together we will discover how you create balance in your life. And, how perfectionism has disrupted your life and caused some challenges.
But first, let us review how to start treatment for perfectionism at Calm Waters Counseling.
REQUEST A CONSULTATION
I offer free 15 minute consultations before anyone becomes an official client. Consultations are a helpful and important part of the process. They allow me to directly get a brief snippet of what is happening in the present. It also allows for both me and you to see if we would be a good fit working together. We will review our availability, other issues going on, and expectations in the therapy process.
Follow the steps below to request your consultation
First, click on the button that says Schedule My Free 15 Minute Consultation. This will take you to a place where you can choose your location, day, and time. Then, enter your information.
See below.
Next, you will receive an email notification to complete the brief questionnaire. This will ask questions about reasons for seeking services, goals for therapy, and availability. I have found this to be a helpful guide for when the consultation happens. It allows us to use our time efficiently.
Last, the consultation day. I will call you on the day and time you chose. During this time I can address any questions you may have. I will also ask some follow-up questions. Afterward, we can set up an intake appointment if we choose to go further.
INTAKE APPOINTMENT FOR PERFECTIONISM
The intake appointment is the first appointment. It's focused on getting to know you and what your history with perfectionism has been up until this point. We also use this time to talk more in-depth about your treatment goals and what you would like to focus on in therapy.
3 Ways To Treat Perfectionism
Treating perfectionism and treatment for anxiety are similar. Often, I use a blend of the following treatment styles and strategies with my clients:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - Using CBT to treat perfectionism is very common and one of the most helpful approaches. CBT will examine beliefs and address unhealthy thinking styles. Together, you will find perfection is not the end goal for each thing you do.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - Two of the major components that make up ACT is increasing psychological flexibility and developing self-compassion. Psychological flexibility consists of looking at values and goals.
Mindfulness Strategies - A useful technique to help let go of the thought that you “should” be perfect. Mindfulness brings the self back to the present instead of spending a lot of focus worrying. Mindfulness also integrates into a lot of CBT and ACT skills.
Learn about using CBT vs ACT for perfectionism.
Treating perfectionism can take place by using online therapy and in-person treatment. Continue reading to learn more about online therapy and how it works.
For more information on Treatment for Perfectionism check out these helpful blog posts:
Using online therapy to overcome perfectionism
You can attend your therapy appointments from anywhere with online therapy. This can happen from your home, from your office, and even if you are on vacation. Your therapy appointments take place over a HIPAA compliant platform. Using this, we can both see and hear each other.
Online therapy has become more popular in the past few years.
Most of the things we would be doing in-person session can also happen using online therapy. In fact, online therapy has become a very useful tool. This can be especially true for working on challenges with perfectionism. By having online therapy as an option it allows me to see my client in their environment. We can also use interventions in real-time.
Currently, I provide online therapy to anyone living in Maryland and North Carolina.
Online Therapy in Maryland
Online Therapy in North Carolina
Check out this blog post if you have been thinking about trying online therapy and are not sure if it is right for you. If you are ready to give online therapy a try, schedule your free 15-minute consultation with me today!
What to expect when you finish treatment for perfectionism
Eventually, my clients will come to an end with treatment for perfectionism. We will spend some time reflecting on how their process began and where they are at present. My clients talk about seeing some of the following changes:
More ease letting go of control
New ways of coping
Less procrastinating and more moving forward
Accepting and tolerating thoughts, feelings, events
Developing self-compassion and kindness
Learned new skills
More present in the here and now
Enjoying life
It is very important to understand that each person’s process in therapy is unique and special to them. Your process and gains are not measured and compared next to anyone else.
Ready to break the cycle of your perfectionism? start treatment for perfectionism in Wilmington, NC
Perfectionism can have a major impact on your life. It can leave you caught up in a cycle of overwhelm, paralysis, and then procrastination. If you are ready to reduce the anxiety and mental strain, reach out to my Wilmington, NC-based counseling practice today! Together, we will discover how you can feel free and improve your mental health with treatment for perfectionism. To start treatment for perfectionism, follow these simple steps:
Schedule a free 15-minute consult using the button below
Complete the brief questionnaire sent to your email
meet with your new caring therapist
Start embracing your perfect imperfections
Other Services Offered at Calm Waters Counseling
Treatment for perfectionism isn’t the only service offered at my Wilmington, NC counseling practice. Other services offered at Calm Waters Counseling include online therapy in Maryland or North Carolina, anxiety treatment, and burnout counseling.
Learn More About the Therapist
Learn more about me and what you can expect during your process in therapy at Calm Waters Counseling. I therapy for women who experience anxiety, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and burnout.
I live in Wilmington, NC and provide online therapy to anyone located in Maryland and North Carolina.
Written by: Laura Rippeon, LCSW, LCSW-C
Updated 3/12/23