Tips on How to Start Saying No
Saying “No” is Hard When You Have People Pleaser Anxiety
How many times have you been asked to do something you did not want to do? Chances are probably one too many for your liking.
Feelings of anxiety and dread immediately creep up, you feel put on the spot, and maybe even resentful or annoyed that you’re being put in this place. You know you should probably say “no” to the other person but instead, you avoid having to deal with whatever misery is to come (embarrassment, anxiety, guilt, etc.) on your part, and so you just say “yes.”
For people pleasers, saying “no” has got to be one of the hardest things. And it’s not just saying “no” but fear of disappointing someone else or hurting their feelings. Saying “no” is just part of this process.
Learning to become more comfortable with saying “no” and exercising that assertiveness muscle can be tough and scary. It can make it a much easier process to start small while building up your comfort level and confidence.
In this blog, I’m sharing 5 tips on how to start saying “no” and stop overcommitting.
I am a virtual anxiety therapist in Wilmington, NC, and specialize in therapy for high-achieving women with anxiety living in North Carolina and Maryland. I provide anxiety treatment and focus on other areas such as perfectionism and job burnout.
Are you ready to get started in therapy? Click the button below to online reserve your free 15-minute consultation on the date and time of your choice.
By the end of this, you’ll learn 5 tips to help you get started saying “no” to the things you don’t want to do and leave more time for the things you want to say “yes” to doing.
5 Tips on How to Start Saying “No” and Stop Overcommitting Yourself
Whether you actually want to do all the things or not, somehow you find yourself committing and not even enjoying your time. Check out these tips to start setting some boundaries and saying “no.”
Tip #1 on How to Say No: Start Small
When you’re a people pleaser or struggle with anxiety, saying “no” to someone can induce a lot of stress. It is important to keep in mind when beginning to set boundaries it takes a lot of practice.
When starting, it’s okay to start small, gain confidence, and build momentum.
Tip #2 on How to Say No: Start to Even it Out
Keeping with the theme of starting small, a helpful exercise to practice is for every 3 things you say “yes” to allow yourself to say “no” to the next thing.
Of course, adjusting these numbers to meet your needs is important. Using a strategy like this can help get you started and implement the boundaries.
Tip #3 on How to Say No: Give Yourself Time
This strategy can be easily overlooked and is simple to implement.
If you are anything like me and you are a “processor” being asked to respond to something can catch me off guard and then comes the feeling of pressure to respond right away.
But here’s the thing, you don’t have to respond right away. Try giving yourself some time to “marinate” on the request being asked. If you feel the need to give a prompt response, try saying something like “let me look at my schedule and I’ll get back to you on that.” This can buy you some time to assess if this is something you want to do.
Tip #4 on How to Say No: Find Comfortable Wording
This may take a little practice but finding wording or go-to phrases that work for you in these situations are invaluable. Take some time to jot down a few notes and see what works best for you.
Some common phrases might include:
“I don’t think I can commit to that right now.”
“Let me check my schedule and I can get back to you.”
“I appreciate the offer but my schedule doesn’t allow for that right now.”
“I’m not able to take anything else on right now.”
“I appreciate you thinking of me for this but unfortunately at this time I can’t commit to that.”
Tip #5 on How to Say No: Assess the Situation
For this tip, it’s all about channeling your inner Marie Kondo and assessing if the situation, task, or person “sparks joy” or creates energy.
I recognize it isn’t always possible for every situation to not engage in something that you don’t like to do. In life we all have responsibilities and some of them may not be pleasant. I am speaking about your downtime or the time you have a bit more control over.
If it doesn’t “spark joy” for you and you are still participating, set a boundary. An example of this may look like “I can only do X part” or “I can only stay for X amount of time.”
Start Therapy with a Wilmington NC Therapist at Calm Waters Counseling
Saying “no” can be hard, especially for folks who struggle with people-pleasing and anxiety. Often in the attempts to set these boundaries, more anxiety and other feelings show up creating more difficulty to say “no.”
Using the tips above can help you get started in being more assertive, set better boundaries, and improve your confidence.
I use ACT for anxiety treatment in my therapy practice.
Lean more about ACT therapy how it can be helpful for you.
Get started in therapy at Calm Waters Counseling by following these 4 simple steps:
Click the button below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation
Complete the brief questionnaire sent to your email before the consultation
Meet with your anxiety therapist
Start living your life and saying “yes” to the things you want to do!
Therapy for High Achievers at Calm Waters Counseling
Learn more about me and check out my Wilmington, NC virtual counseling practice.
I love working with anxious go-getters and often my clients will come to a session and talk about more than just anxiety.
Check out all services at Calm Waters Counseling, listed below:
Anxiety counseling in Wilmington, NC
Treatment for Perfectionism in Maryland
Burnout Counseling in Wilmington, NC
Therapy for Imposter Syndrome in Wilmington, NC
Online Anxiety Therapy in Maryland
Online therapy is a beneficial tool and total game-changer for allowing clients to access and stay committed to attending their therapy appointments.
At the same time, online therapy is proven to be effective and can benefit clients experiencing anxiety.
Using ACT with online therapy has similar benefits to receiving therapy in person.
Check out this blog post on using online therapy with ACT for anxiety treatment.
If you have ever thought about trying online therapy as an option, click the links below to learn about online therapy where you live:
online therapy for anxiety in North Carolina
online anxiety therapy in Maryland
Still, have questions? Click the buttons below to learn even more!
Written by: Laura Rippeon, LCSW, LCSW-C
Updated 3/17/23